Does Small Talk Make You Uncomfortable?

Many people have a certain feeling of annoyance with so-called “small” talk.  So why do we need it?

Small talk includes some short questions that fill the silence and allow you get to know someone on an informal level. But the feeling after small talk can leave the participants uneasy over the lack of fulfillment. The information given may often be only surface level.

Rhinebeck Reality had a conversation with students that consisted of both small talk and deep conversation.  Questions followed about the participants’ preference.

Overall, people preferred deeper conversations rather than small talk.

However, there must be a certain need for small talk. It feels better to most people to have an awkward conversation than just silence.

While researching questions and ways to have small talk and deeper conversations, I  stumbled upon some tips.  The article by Arlin Cuncic, from the website Very Well Mind, mentions avoiding any topics that could make someone uncomfortable such as religion, politics, and even past relationships during small talk. 

However, in deeper conversations, the internet suggests asking about uncomfortable topics. Viktor Sander mentions asking follow-up questions and asking open-ended questions. 

Deeper questions typically leave the possibility for a conversation sparking from the questions. It has been found that there are different types and levels of conversation.

Small talk and different types of conversation can be informational, personable, or relational. Types of conversation can fall into debate, dialogue, discourse, and diatribe categories. Small talk is able to be a mixture of the types of conversation based on the questions asked. 

Rhinebeck Reality asked our psychology teacher, Ms. Polletta, about her opinion on small talk.

“Small talk is something that has a little bit of emotional value, but the emotion is not center stage in the conversation. It’s more about things than emotions,” Polletta said. 

We asked Margaret Weld,  a Junior at Rhinebeck, to give us her input. 

“I don’t like it if they’re stifled but I think if they’re flowing and it’s like a constantly changing subject I enjoy it,” Margaret said.

“I do kinda like interview questions. I think those are fun. Some people pass by on little details,” Vasiliki Psichas (Class of 2023) said. 

Student input about interview questions was somewhat negative besides an acknowledgment of the value of small talk to help the conversation flow.

Alleigh Szabo, a class of 2020 graduate and St. Lawrence psychology major mentioned that we need small talk for connection, but many people despise it. 

“I think it is a good thing to establish a connection short term,” Alleigh said.  

Rhinebeck Reality has a question for you: How do you feel about small talk?

Let us know in the comments.