The Tissue Issue


Olivia Scott

New and improved school tissues, now made out of sandpaper! SO much softer and gentle on the nose.

You wake up one morning, out of breath because of your stuffy nose. Your head hurts, your mom is yelling at you to get up for school, and all you want to do is slouch back under your warm covers.
Moving is hard enough already without a cold adding more agony, but you muster up the strength to walk into the 1st period.
While you’re sitting through science, or math, or whatever, you feel your nose starting to run.
You reach for the tissue pack you keep in your backpack, but oh god, no. This can’t be happening. Your tissue pack, it’s…it’s…EMPTY.
You reach for the school-issued tissues hesitantly, and put one up to your nose. The harsh material against your red, raw, nose makes it hard to hold back the tears, but you power through.
You don’t realize the damage you’ve done.
After blowing your nose once, the dam is broken. You have no choice but to continuously use trash tissues to contain your snot, and by the end of it, your nose its bright red and bleeding.
No one wants this.
A cold is bad enough itself without the unnecessary pain of a mistreated nose.
Teachers check off a box of tissues on a central supply order sheet without thinking of the pain they will be inflicting on others. With only basic supplies available to order, it’s tempting to partake in the destruction of innocent nostrils everywhere thinking it’s better than no tissues at all.
Some kind-hearted teachers pay for quality tissues and bring them to school
Is the money they spend on kleenex wasted?
Were we to weigh the money spent by teachers, and the money wasted on unused -1 ply tissues, is it really worth it?
An exclusive interview with senior class president, Jonah Carleton, revealed the real issue with the tissues. It turns out that during student council meetings, tissues are discussed less than some class officers would like.
Planning Hawk Day and reviewing the Code of Conduct takes a lot of time, and as Carleton said, there is a lot on their plate.

But tissues are definitely important to Student Council, and now that Hawk Day is over until spring, they can focus on more humanitarian issues like colds.
It’s lucky that some student officers care so much about the school tissues because they definitely have Dr. D’s ear. If you’d like to have an influence on the important issue of healthcare and nose comfort, everyone is invited to weekly Student Council meetings before school.
Stay tuned for more investigations and interviews on the ever present tissue issue.